‘I could’ve been the best in the world but I was never told’ – new research reveals clean athletes’ experiences of doping

Dr Kelsey Erickson, recent PhD graduate in the University’s Carnegie Faculty, interviewed high profile competitive and retired track and field athletes from multiple countries and used the findings gathered to compose two creative non-fiction stories.

Dr Erickson explained: “Doping in sport is a complex issue with potentially long-term financial, emotional and relational implications. Track and field has been increasingly linked with doping allegations, including systemic doping amongst Russian athletes and corrupt administration, such as the International Association of Athletics Federation (IAAF), putting on the line the reputation of track and field as a whole, and meaning that competitive athletes regularly have to defend themselves as ‘clean’.”

Dr Erickson chose to present her findings through creative non-fiction stories to both protect the anonymity of the high profile athletes and to engage readers beyond academia with the research. Direct quotes have been used from the interview transcripts as much as possible, with two stories being created to reflect the ‘looking back’ perspective of the retired athletes and the ‘future focus’ stories related by the competitive athletes. Specific examples of their experiences have been used, describing instances which left them feeling angry, cheated, and let down, and which simultaneously led to tangible losses, including lost prize and endorsement funds and opportunities for medals and glory.

Dr Erickson commented: “The media regularly reports on the doping phenomenon, highlighting the implications of performance enhancing drugs – particularly for the doping athlete; however we rarely get to see an insight into the lives of those in the background who arguably suffer as much, if not more, as a result of doping.”

The first story, ‘Nobody saw it coming’, tells the story of the current competitive athletes: “I mean, I’m doing my sport for the same reasons I chose to do it when I was age seven – I always believed I could get to the top in my sport if I worked hard and did my best. I’ve just presumed everybody else was doing it for those reasons too. Well, I was wrong. Doping has affected me and my results. A lot… I could’ve been the best in the world but I was never told.’”

In the second story, ‘I’ve got scars’, the retired athletes relate their experiences: “You go through a period when you wonder ‘what’s the point?’… I think I was very angry and bitter that a guy cheated me out of my livelihood, cheated me out of places, cheated me out of maybe an opportunity to stand on the podium. Well actually, not just one athlete – a lot of athletes….. I do look back and wonder ‘what if?’”