Carers Week: Leigh's story

“I have always had a close relationship with my parents and visited at least 3 times a week, despite living in a different city. They helped me with childcare in the holidays, and loved hosting Sunday lunches. As with most families we have long standing jokes about Mum’s aches/pains and Dad’s general forgetfulness. Then last September, things stopped feeling like a joke.

Mum was admitted to intensive care after having a stroke and needed hospital treatment for a few months. Suddenly I had to manage hospital visiting, with bringing up two children under 8 and trying to work almost full time. Whilst worrying about my Mum and her health was at the forefront of my mind, the hardest part was when I became aware of the extent of Dad’s forgetfulness. It became apparent that he couldn’t use the oven in case he left the gas on, so I had to call in before and after to work to make sure he had warm meals.

On one occasion, I had to gently tell him at 9am in the morning that no the cheese sandwich I was making him was for lunchtime, not for now as he was merrily about to take it to the living room and have his lunch then. Some days I would go up to visit and he was sat on his own, staring at a blank TV because he couldn’t get the remote to work. The sense of guilt that I couldn’t be with everyone I cared for all the time was unreal and I felt that I was letting absolutely everyone down. My husband and children because I couldn’t be there for them as much as normal, my Dad because I couldn’t ease his confusion, my Mum because I couldn’t bring her home when she was getting upset and my work colleagues because I was struggling to focus. I felt utterly exhausted.

 Thankfully Mum got better and came back home. We managed to arrange meals on wheels to support with food; and things have gradually slipped back into a new ‘normal’ for us.

It wasn’t until chatting with one of my wonderful colleagues that I even considered myself to be a carer. I was just trying to look after my family. I am slowly accepting that I am part of the sandwich generation with young children and caring responsibilities for elderly parents. Whilst my team were really flexible with my hours whilst Mum was in hospital and the ‘crisis’ phase was happening, I’m not sure I would have felt comfortable if I had to ask to extend this more permanently. For me, lockdown has been a huge chance to reset. Whilst Mum had a blip early into lockdown, I know they are both in their home with food deliveries and medical supplies. I am speaking to them daily and starting to visit (from a distance). The flexibility of home working is allowing me to fit all of my responsibilities into 24 hours in a way that suits me and I feel happier and more productive as a result. Hopefully, homeworking if allowed on a more permanent basis will help restore some work/life balance to others too.”

If you are a carer and would like support or a 1-2-1 conversation please visit Carers Leeds at https://www.carersleeds.org.uk/ for more information.

Or to find out more about support at Leeds Beckett please contact Equality@leedsbeckett.ac.uk or Craig Downing our E&I Manager directly at C.M.Downing@leedsbeckett.ac.uk