My PhD journey: Is it over now?

Reaching the end of this journey feels surreal. While I am eager to see where my PhD will take me, I can’t shake the feeling of being in limbo. Having spent nearly my whole life in education, so much of my identity is tied to being a student. The idea of no longer being “Chloe who’s been at uni forever” feels oddly disorienting. Answering the all-too-familiar question, “Have you finished your PhD yet?” with a definitive “yes” almost feels unnatural - after all, being asked that has become part of my routine.

As I move closer to the finish line, I find myself clinging to the little things: monthly supervisory meetings, the full creative freedom over my research, and even the table tennis breaks in CSS that kept me sane. Knowing that those moments will soon be behind me makes me wistful. And yet, that nostalgia doesn’t dampen my enthusiasm for what’s ahead. In fact, I’ve come to accept the emotional tug-of-war I feel - it’s both beautiful and agonizing in its own way.

Existential musings aside, my main priority is crystal clear: submitting my thesis by the end of March. Everything else takes a backseat. This submission represents the culmination of years of hard work, and my focus is locked in.

That’s not to say that every day is a breeze. Some days, the words flow effortlessly, while others are marked by frustrating procrastination. Discipline is a skill I’m still refining, and with the finish line in sight, I know I need to remain diligent and organized. Fortunately, I’m incredibly lucky to have such a strong support network - my friends, family, and colleagues have made this journey far more manageable. Their encouragement reminds me why I’m doing this, even on the tougher days.

So, what happens after I submit? Truthfully, I have no idea - and that’s both terrifying and liberating. My metaphorical crystal ball is out of action, and while I wish I could peek into the future, I can’t. In an ideal world, I’d land a job in academia - lecturing, publishing papers, and continuing my research. That’s the dream.

But I’m also painfully aware of how uncertain the academic job market is. The recent instability in the sector made me question whether academia is even a viable path anymore. It’s easy to feel disheartened by the unpredictability, but I try not to let it weigh me down. The job market will always fluctuate, and I remind myself that any uncertainty I face now won’t last forever. All I can do is keep applying, gaining experience where I can, and staying open-minded about where I might end up.

I want to keep publishing my thesis findings and making a meaningful impact, whether in academia or beyond. Of course, I can talk endlessly about my idealistic plan - landing a lectureship, climbing the academic ladder - but I know that wishful thinking alone won’t make it happen. I’m realistic about the challenges ahead, but I’m still optimistic. I’ve worked hard, I have an incredible support system, and I’m determined to make it work. And right now, that feels like enough.

While the thought of leaving my PhD life behind is daunting, I’m ready to embrace what comes next. It’s exciting and a little scary to step into what I jokingly call a “big girl job,” but I know I’m prepared. This new chapter may be uncertain, but I’m eager to discover who I am beyond my student identity.

I haven’t met the post-PhD version of myself yet, but I’m ready to. Whatever the future holds, I’ll carry with me the lessons, experiences, and resilience this journey has given me. Here’s to closing this chapter and to the next adventure waiting on the other side.